Are you meeting your true needs and aspirations?

Do you spend enough time doing things that bring you joy and fulfillment?

How much of your life feels like it’s truly yours?

As adults, we often think we’re in control of our lives and free to make our own choices.

But many of us over 30 have found ourselves following paths that don’t feel right for us, just because it’s what our family or culture expects.

We might choose a career that doesn’t satisfy us because it’s what our parents want for us.

We might get married and start a family when we really want to focus on our career or travel.

We might pursue success and independence when all we really want is to care for our family at home.

Growing up with certain values and expectations can make it hard to live authentically.

It takes courage to recognize our own aspirations among the desires imposed by others, not to mention the fights we may have to pick with family members or a romantic partner just to be able to live our life on our own terms.

Breaking the Cycle of Inauthentic Choices

But sacrificing our authenticity to please others can lead to misery and mental health issues. It’s better to show the world our true selves, even if it’s difficult.

If you’re struggling to live authentically, here are some steps to help you:

1. Acceptance and Accountability

The first step to changing a situation is to acknowledge that it exists.

• It’s okay to admit that although in theory we are 100% free to do whatever we want to, in practice we use this power much less often.

• If our lives are controlled by others, it’s because we let them have that power.

*Enoying freedom is like building muscles – It doesn’t come naturally. We have to reclaim it every single day of our lives and pay the price comes with it.

Gradually Changing Toward Your True Self

Once you realize you’re not living the life you want, it’s time to make changes.

2. Inner Work – Building Intimacy with Your True Self

Start by writing down your feelings about the situation. It will help you to:

• Release dense emotions (shame, anger, resentment, fear, etc.)

• Enhance your awareness (mental patterns, contradictions, desires, etc.)

• Build intimacy with your thoughts, feelings, and needs

*Invest some time (weeks or even months) doing only this first step, so that your mindset can be prepared for the next stage.

3. Clarity – Identifying Your True Desires

Build the habit of asking yourself strategic questions, such as:

What did my child self want to do while growing up?

If I could have the life of my dreams, what would it be like?

What are the areas of my life I am unhappy about? Why?

4. Mindful Actions

After building intimacy with your true self and identifying your needs and desires, take practical steps to make changes.

Start with one desire and work on it using the tools of Acceptance, Inner Work, Clarity, and Mindful Actions.

Remember, change takes time, so focus on a few goals at a time.

Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to change everything at once.

I hope these 4 steps will continue to help you.

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