The little word “selfish” is often considered taboo in many societies, and this reaction is understandable when we consider the implications:

How could we function in communities if everyone only pursued their own interests?

However, when we look into selfishness and generosity, we find that these behaviors are two sides of the same coin that require balance to truly coexist.

As humans, we have:

Personal needs – Survival, privacy, individuality, freedom, self-realization

Social needs – Relationships, romantic partners, community belonging, feeling useful to others, and social relevance.

Since we can only give what we have within us, it’s difficult to be genuinely generous without some degree of selfishness.

In society, particularly for women, being selfish is frowned upon, creating a neurotic unspoken agreement in relationships:

We often abandon ourselves to meet others’ needs, hoping for reciprocity.

When this mutuality fails, resentment can build, leading to blame and a lack of accountability between partners.

For women, admitting our needs and meeting them without shame or guilt is a continuous struggle, as we’re typically conditioned to:

• Put others first.
• Serve as the main, if not sole, caregivers for our parents and children.
• Sacrifice our own time and plans for the sake of our relationships and families.
• Be forgiving, while not always receiving the same consideration in return.

Given the devastating effects of self-abandonment for us, it’s essential to normalize selfishness for our mental health and sovereignty. We can achieve this by:

* Prioritizing our health and well-being above everything else.

* Setting clear boundaries in our relationships.

* Upholding our core values and non-negotiable needs.

* Living our lives on our own terms, regardless of others’ judgments.

These actions may result in negative labels, but does that really matter? At some point, we face a dilemma:

We can either stay true to ourselves or please others, and it’s rare that both are possible.

So, which will you choose?

Some may fear that prioritizing oneself leads to becoming a monster devoid of love and care, but the opposite is true.

When we effectively address our personal needs (not mere whims), our focus naturally shifts toward fulfilling our social needs — serving society and caring for others — leading to a more balanced life.

In a world that often restricts the right to selfishness and independence to men, while expecting women to adopt selfless and accommodating conduct, it is time to challenge this dynamic.

As those in privilege rarely give up on their advantages, it’s up to women to assert our right to be the protagonists of our own lives, no matter how controversial and uncomfortable it may be.

We and the future generations deserve that, for the sake of men’s maturity and women’s well-being.

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