It seems that when relationships deteriorate, we often shift the blame to others, as if we wield no power over our choices or the unfolding dynamics.

The reality is that each person and situation we encounter ultimately circles back to us.

We are the ones who choose, consciously or not, to steer the direction of our lives.

A common driver of our self-sabotaging behaviors is a fear of judgment, rejection, and abandonment from those we care about.

Our deep-rooted desire for connection can lead us to make choices that go against our own well-being to safeguard our primary relationships.

While these tendencies are universal, they seem to manifest more acutely among women, who are often socialized to prioritize the needs of others over their own.

Here are some self-diminishing actions we might take in the pursuit of relationship security:

1. Ignoring our needs to dodge the label of being selfish.

2. Avoiding confrontation or boundary-setting to steer clear of being seen as difficult.

3. Discounting our intuition to prevent being labeled as irrational or crazy.

4. Restricting exploration of our sexuality to escape accusations of promiscuity or inadequacy.

5. Holding back on pursuing dreams for fear of being called too ambitious or self-centered.

6. Suppressing expressions of frustration or anger to avoid being branded aggressive.

7. Staying in unhealthy relationships to prevent judgment and the stigma of loneliness.

8. Hesitating to say ‘NO’ to avoid guilt and shame.

9. Conforming to group norms to escape rejection.

10. Neglecting personal growth to sidestep outgrowing family, partners, or friends.

While it’s vital to cater to our social needs for emotional health and survival, we must also remember that authenticity and selectivity are crucial.

Without these, our relationships will struggle to be meaningful and satisfying.

In essence, it’s just as important to be there for others as to be here for ourselves.

🎁 Related posts:

How Our Emotions and Relationships Can Literally Make Our Body Sick

Why Women Need to Prioritize Themselves

What I Wish I’ve Known About Relationships in My Twenties