Watch out for your needs

like you would do for a 5-year-old

because they are as raw and undeniable

as a bleeding wound

If you try to ignore them

and move on,

they will drag you

to despair

and

degradation

According to Tony Robins, all humans have 6 core needs that must be met in order for us to stay healthy and find fulfillment in life:

• Love & Connection
• Certainty
• Uncertainty/Variety
• Significance
• Growth
• Contribution

When our parents sufficiently meet these needs, we grow up feeling worthy of being seen, respected, loved, and appreciated.

On the contrary, if we had experienced a great deal of neglect, abuse, and/or abandonment in childhood, we likely become adults who ignore, dishonor, or repress our core needs the exactly same way our parents did.

The unavoidable outcomes of this are:

• Trauma
• Dissociation
• Low self-esteem
• Reenactment of family dramas
• Disastrous relationships

As psychologist Thais Gibson explains in her courses, our subconscious mind— which governs our beliefs and behaviors— is hardwired to meet our needs, regardless of the consequences.

If we cannot find love, connection, appreciation, and pleasure in constructive ways, i.e., through healthy relationships, our subconscious seeks the quickest and easiest sources of satisfaction.

As a result, we may be plunged into destructive dynamics, without knowing how and why we ended up there in the first place.

Today I want to share with you some examples of how these unmet needs can trap us and provide validated tools to address them without compromising your mental health and dignity.

**Love & Connection** – The need for closeness and intimacy

❌ Destructive Solution:

Hastily entering relationships or unconsciously committing – Barely knowing a partner and already making big decisions, such as:

• Moving in together
• Becoming engaged
• Getting married
• Having kids

💡 Constructive Solution

Become your own best friend and invest in deep connections through mindful decisions, including:

• Fostering self-knowledge through inner work, journaling, and hobbies
• Regularly meeting friends and family members you enjoy
• Making new friends and engaging in meaningful social activities weekly

**Certainty** – The desire to feel secure and safe about the future

❌ Destructive Solution

Clinging to abusive or unfulfilling relationships– Remaining with an incompatible or toxic partner out of fear of loneliness or abandonment.

💡 Constructive Solution

Seek therapy to address:

• Abandonment and rejection wounds
• The wounded inner child
• Dysfunctional relationship patterns
• Low self-esteem

**Uncertainty/Variety** – The yearning for adventure and calculated risks

❌ Destructive Solution

Having an affair – Seeking emotional and sexual gratification outside of your relationship.

Engage in individual or couple therapy to:

• Identify and express your needs to your partner
• Improve your communication skills
• Assess compatibility with your partner

**Significance** – The desire to be seen and recognized

❌ Destructive Solution

Falling victim to romance scams or narcissistic partners like the Tinder swindler—choosing partners based on a craving to feel special and chosen.

💡 Constructive Solution

Seek therapy to treat:

• Abandonment and rejection wounds
• The wounded inner child
• Dysfunctional relationship patterns
• Low self-esteem

**Growth** – The ambition to become a better person and learn more

❌ Destructive Solution

Being opportunistic—dating someone solely for their achievements like money, fame, emotional stability, or success.

💡 Constructive Solution

Invest in self-knowledge and self-development by:

• Identifying and developing your own potential through coaching or therapy
• Volunteering to enhance your empathy for others
• Pursuing education on ethics and interpersonal skills
• Improving your professional and financial life

**Contribution** – The wish to give back and help others

❌ Destructive Solution

Dating extremely immature or dependent partners—playing the savior or caretaker to feel a sense of service.

💡 Constructive Solution

Engage in volunteering and therapy to address:

• Codependency (The imbalance between giving and taking)
• Dysfunctional relationship patterns
• Low self-esteem

As I mentioned in the post “Building Confidence Beyond Appearance“, there is a roadmap for real success, and it includes:

📌 Inner Work

📌 Healthy relationships (with yourself and others)

📌 Purpose (living on your own terms and pursuing your aspirations)

How you choose to apply this in practice is up to you, as we all have different backgrounds and inclinations.

Helping you with that is one of the reasons why I created this blog (and also to meet my need for contribution 😊).

I hope it is serving its purpose.

🌈Outsmart Your Wounds from the Past!

If past relationships left you guarded, confused, or longing for something healthier, Inner Compass offers a softer path forward.

Inside the newsletter, you’ll find:

• 🌿 Emotional regulation tools for closeness and conflict
• 🧠 Trauma-informed insights on attachment and bonding
• 📝 Reflective journaling to heal old relational wounds
• 💖 Compassionate guidance to help you choose love from clarity, not fear

💌 Subscribe to Inner Compass and begin building romantic relationships rooted in safety, honesty, and emotional maturity.

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How Our Emotions and Relationships Can Literally Make Our Body Sick

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Why Not Investing in Emotional Healing Make You Poorer